Ever get the feeling this long distance diagnosing is like being a surgeon helping another through a procedure by phone, not able to see the patient but just advising based on how the patient probably should present if he were healthy?

Of maybe like a veterinary surgeon with the benefit that at least you can't be bitten?

I wonder about this test: get a socket, extension and impact gun all ready to take out the oil drain plug (and a pan!) and start the engine long enough until it's doing its trick, then shut it off and IMMEDIATELY zing the drain plug out. If the oil comes out in a fat finger width stream, unimpeded then that suggests it's not cavitating at the pickup, for inadequate drain-back to the sump. If it trickles out then there's a smoking gun.
Ideas?